As all hacky, view-chasing websites must, MLS capitalized on March Madness and created a tournament for their readers. What does this tournament determine? The best mascot in MLS, of course.
Let’s put it this way: If there was a tournament for shittiest tournaments, this one would be a No. 1 seed. I don’t know what unpaid intern set this thing up, but it’s time to find a new one. They specifically stated that Colorado Rapids “actually has two” mascots. The Rapids website, however, lists four and notes that Rapids Man, included in the tournament, “retired” in 2007.
Ugh… I’m a teacher. I’ve seen my share of lazy research. This tops most of them.
More importantly, THEY LEFT OUT BITCHY THE HAWK! They included Timber Joey, a mascot retired for a decade, whatever the hell these things are supposed to be, and a collection of unoriginal furies, but omitted a living, breathing Harris hawk that scares away seagulls.
Sadly, I’m not surprised. I’d like to say that I expected better from MLS, but MLS is sort of the Kingston of soccer leagues.
PS: Credit to Sydney for the furies line.